Seeking Counseling as a Christian

You might be wondering: What does God think about me going to counseling? Should I just sit in my room alone, reading my bible and praying about it till I can figure it out on my own using God’s word as a guide?  

The idea of seeking out wise counsel, and the concept of coming together with others to address problems, is actually God’s desire for us. While He certainly wants you to read the bible, and He definitely desires for you to come to Him in prayer, it has never been His intention for you to just sit in isolation trying to overcome obstacles without seeking help, advice from others, and loving support. God made us to give as well as receive from one another.

Being on your own can often makes things harder. God knows this, too. He knows solitude, while sometimes useful, isn’t how we are supposed to exist - especially in the midst of difficulty. Be mindful that remaining alone can keep you from many gifts God wishes to offer you such as the wisdom from those individuals who could potentially help uplift you. Others can see your problem in a different way. They may see things you’d otherwise miss. They could offer wisdom from their own experiences and understandings. They can assist you as you consider varying solutions, helping you to gain a much more comprehensive understanding of all the potential consequences that you might encounter depending on how you react. Two heads (or more) are always better than one just sitting alone trying to do it by themselves. And it’s also nice, as well, just to have another person sitting with you - to know someone is there to hear you and support you.

God wants you to seek out guidance.

He wants you to be supported and encouraged by other people. He certainly values quiet alone time with you, but He does, too, want you to reach out to those around you. It’s a gift and blessing He offers - a blessing not only for you, who gains help, but for those who will ultimately find joy in being able to serve God by serving you in your time of need. People want to help you! Think about gift giving - you know it’s nice to receive, but we often find it so fulfilling when we are able to give to another and see how it uplifts them.

Throughout the bible, we see evidence supporting the idea of giving and receiving counsel and of giving loving aid to one another. In Romans 12:15 we are instructed to “rejoice with those who are rejoicing. Weep with those who are weeping.” In 1st Thessalonians 5:14, we are told we ought to “correct the disruptive, console the weak-minded, support the sick, be patient with everyone.” In James 5:16, we’re encouraged to “pray for another.” In Galatians 6:2, we are advised to “carry one another’s burdens.” God wants us to come together. He wants us to support and to be supported.

Is talking about things with a counselor/therapist worth it? A lot of people are telling me to just pray.

Prayer is absolutely a wonderful tool and is definitely something you should include as you seek to work through the many problems and challenges which will arise in life. Yes, pray!! Don’t stop praying as it matters. Many fellow Christians will encourage you to pray. This is good, but oftentimes it’s really not always sufficient as we benefit from (and in the midst of crisis desperately need) human support and the wisdom of those surrounding us.

So counseling is a tremendously beneficial addition to prayer. For one, it’s an opportunity to gain a new and fresh perspective. An outside observer, one with differing ideas and history, can often see things in ways which would never occur to us. They might view the problem in a new way. They could offer solutions you never imagined. They could alert you to consequences you wouldn’t have seen coming if left to yourself. The bible recommends we seek out and listen to other people. And these are just some of the many reasons why it’s a good idea. It’s God’s plan! And He always knows best.

Counseling, too, is more than just a conversation. It’s a relationship with another person. It’s easy to just dismiss it as chatter, but human connection, even if it is brief, is powerful. Just sitting and talking with another person can help tremendously - especially when considered against the alternative of just sitting on your own. Knowing someone is taking time and connecting with you, no matter what they might say, can be helpful. Compare being left to sit alone versus someone making time to be with you. God knows all this. He knew from the beginning that it is never good for us to be alone. We need one another. And in counseling, the relationship is an important part of healing. Actually, studies show that it is this human interpersonal connection that matters the most – even more than any particular “interventions” which might be used.

Also, while prayer is powerful, God often uses other people to aid us in healing. He uses interactions with others to guide us, teach us, support us, and reveal things to us. Are you preventing God from speaking to you through others by remaining avoidant, hiding in your room (or at work)?

Throughout the bible, we see evidence supporting the idea of giving and receiving counsel and of giving loving aid to one another. In Romans 12:15 we are instructed to “rejoice with those who are rejoicing. Weep with those who are weeping.” In 1st Thessalonians 5:14, we are told we ought to “correct the disruptive, console the weak-minded, support the sick, be patient with everyone.”

Can’t I just chat with a friend or with family?

Talking with trusted family and friends is a great idea and can help a lot. However, be mindful of the limitations. Some individuals might offer poor advise, of course. They might mean well, for example, but may just tell you what you want to hear. Interestingly, many individuals report back years later how nobody ever called them out - they made unwise choices and say that friends and family just stood by saying nothing. They exclaim “why didn’t anyone ever say anything to me?!?!” These people wished someone would have helped them more. They didn’t see their blind spots. They didn’t understand all their options and didn’t know the outcomes of some of the choices they were making. In many cases, people we know want to be nice, but in doing so they might not tell you the truths which would really benefit you.

People in your life, too, may not necessarily be neutral. They can come into the conversation with unconscious biases that color things. Further, they may just not have any good ideas or solutions which are effective. They want to help, but they aren’t really trained too. They also probably haven’t spent much if any time understanding what things work best for your problems - or worse, what things might actually make the problem bigger.

And then, too, while you may ask them to keep things confidential, there is no way to guarantee who they may share your information with.

Can’t I just go talk to someone at my church?

Speaking with someone from your church can often be a good idea. It can be helpful. Church leaders are able to encourage and console. They will also be there to pray with you. Additionally, they can be a terrific resource for helping you better understand what God and the bible have to say to you about your dilemma. They will help you better know God’s wisdom and commands for your particular problem.

However, church leaders are just part of God’s plans and there are limitations to how much they can help. Their ability to assist with problems can be somewhat limited. This can mean that, in some cases, they unfortunately might offer poor or ineffective advice.

Many problems require more than just prayers and an understanding of scripture. These are great starting points, and should absolutely be part of your solution plan, but more is often needed. Many church leaders, while well-meaning and well-intentioned, just don’t have the training and understanding to get in deep to really help you fully resolve your problems. A trained therapist, for example, can be better equipped to help you gain awareness, and help you come up with feasible solutions to apply in your daily life. A therapist can help you manage relationships better and help you improve interactions with others. And they can be there to bridge the gap between God’s word and the physical and psychological.