Want to Stop Binge Eating? Surf the Urge!
An urge to binge eat can feel overwhelming. In the moment, the urge feels insurmountable and crushingly intolerable.
When you’re experiencing it, you may believe there is no way to avoid succumbing. The urge to binge eat can feel frustratingly irresistible when it hits and your reaction can include emotions such as panic, fear, and despair.
You desperately want, more than anything, to make the urge go away. Giving in can seem like the only way to make it stop. You feel trapped in a storm of emotions and fear you may never find your way through and beyond this. While stopping binge eating might, at times, seem an impossible to achieve goal, particularly in the moments when an urge has suddenly struck you hard, the reality is that you absolutely CAN overcome this. It takes some time. Some patience. And there are certain skills that can help along the way.
If You Want to Stop Binge Eating, First Be Sure You Start Eating Regularly
Importantly, attempting to overcome binge eating will be a frustrating endeavor if you are not properly and appropriately nourishing your body. If you are consistently restricting your food intake, continue to adhere to low calorie diets, abide by restrictive food rules, and continue to embrace fasting, your body will not only rail against your efforts to stop bingeing, but you will, in fact, be more apt to binge. If you insist on continuing to deny your body food, it will remain perpetually starved for nutrition and will therefore send increasingly hard to ignore alarm signals, notably in the form of intense urges to eat. The more you try to run from and avoid food, the more your body resists – it wants food, it needs food. Your body is simply doing what is what meant to do – help you survive.
Science has actually validated that restrictive eating behaviors are a surefire way to exacerbate and worsen your cravings for food. Restriction is proven to backfire and will tend to make binge eating highly probable and nearly inevitable. For example, results of one randomized control trial, published in The International Journal of Eating Disorders, showed that “deprivation causes craving and overeating.” Also, notably, researchers add further valuable evidence against restriction by demonstrating the efficacy of regular food consumption as a method of reducing binge eating. Consider the results of a clinical trial published in the international, peer-reviewed scientific journal Eating Behaviors: Researchers observed “higher regular eating adherence (3 meals and 2-3 planned snacks daily) was associated with lower weekly binge frequency.” Overall, if you continue to refuse to consume adequate nutrition, and insist on ignoring genuine hunger cues, you will most likely fail at any and all of your attempts to stop binge eating.
If all this seems to much, and if you’re afraid to eat more regularly, or think there’s no way it will work for you, think about connecting with a therapist. It’s easy to say eating more will be helpful, but it’s understandable if you struggle with the idea of that and/or the actual practice. This really isn’t always so easy. I promise that there is a way through what seems to be an impossible feat.
You might be stuck in a cycle where you feel you MUST curtail your intake to make up for your binge. But did you know that this makes it MORE likely that you’ll binge? It becomes this mad merry-go-round that you can’t seem to get off of. Here’s the thing - you can get off!
Next, Don’t Get Mad, and Don’t Try to Form a Logical Argument
It’s worth noting, too, that railing angrily against the urge, or attempting to beat it down with rational logic, will also likely prove ineffectual.
In the case of anger, when an urge to binge eat presents itself, it isn’t too far fetched to respond to it with outrage. The urge is, after all, a very unwelcome nuisance. You may get mad that this is happening to you again. However, reacting in a heatedly temperamental fashion will likely do little more than worsen the situation. Your emotions are already stressed and so fighting the urge with ardent fury will only lead to you feeling more out of control. By arguing, by directing harsh criticisms toward yourself, you will feel more crazed. Don’t beat yourself up! Many people struggle with this. Try your best to have compassion for yourself - there’s reasons why these sort of things happen. You’re not at fault. You’re not a bad person or someone beyond repair. You just need some help and support (which we all do at some point in our lives).
And logic? You already know, logically, that binge eating is a behavior that causes you distress. That’s why you’re here seeking a solution to end it. You have at least one good, sound reason for why it isn’t something you wish to continue – it is causing you immense anguish. So right there is a rather compelling and logical argument for stopping the behavior. Logically, you know binge eating is harming you. Yet, you don’t stop. You feel you can’t stop. Why? Binge eating isn’t about logic. It won’t respond to logical arguments, no matter how incredibly erudite and brilliant they might be.
So then, what can you do to stop binge eating?
One relevant, effective technique calls for you to ‘ride the wave.’ Called ‘urge surfing,’ this is a distress tolerance skill used in Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) and it’s intended to help you better tolerate thoughts, emotions, and urges. It’s useful for binge eating and also emotional eating.
Urge Surf to Battle Binge Eating
To begin, it’s important to understand that urges to binge eat aren’t permanent. Think of a wave in the ocean. It rises, it peaks, and then it’s gone. Your urges can be thought of in the same way. They come - and they also can be counted on to go (it doesn’t feel like it when the urge hits, but it really truly won’t last forever). Notably, research shows an urge will typically dissipate after approximately 20-30 minutes.
With that said, how do you ‘ride the wave’?
Next time, when an urge is rising, accept its presence. Don’t fight it. You may not be able to stop it from showing up, but you do get to choose how you react to it. You don’t have to like it (who like an uncomfortable feeling?). But while the feeling may be unpleasant, it’s not intolerable, especially if you acknowledge that, though it may rise, it will go away. You CAN tolerate this! You don’t have to do it forever and I promise the urge won’t harm you (it might seem like it could kill you, but it won’t).
Let the feelings just be. The urge isn’t dangerous. It’s just a feeling.
Remind yourself that you don’t have to respond to it. Tell yourself that you can handle the emotions and that you will be okay even if you’re uncomfortable in that moment. Speak it out loud, or just think it in your head.
When you first begin, you don’t have to do this for very long. Because yes, it’s new and it might seem really difficult to do. It’s okay to do it really briefly. Can you go for 30 seconds? How about a minute? If you can do a minute, when you get to the end see if you can do another minute. Baby steps is what this all about. A little at a time. One minute might not seem like much, but you’ll keep adding to that each time. If you plan to run a marathon, you don’t do it all at once - you first start with walking, then maybe a little jogging, and eventually you build up from there. One small step each time.
The urge may push and lead you to believe it’s an urgent need that must be addressed. But that’s a lie. You can sit with the urge and not act on it. In time, your brain will learn that it is possible to experience an urge without acting on it. That’s what we are working on here. Letting our brain know that this is something we can manage and control. We are teaching our brain a new lesson. And, the more you ride the wave, the more you practice, the better you’ll get at it.
During the delay, as you’re waiting for the wave to fall away, finding things to distract and relax yourself can be useful. Maybe even necessary. It’s much easier to manage when you’re mind and hands are busy with something else.
Make a list in advance. Have ideas of things you can do during the day and at night – because an urge can strike at any time and while you may be able to call a friend at noon, that might not be a good option in the middle of the night. Think about what you enjoy, what will keep you busy, and what calms you. Maybe you’ll take a hot shower or bath, perhaps create a music playlist, find a funny video to watch, write in your journal, go for a leisurely walk, work on an art project, organize a closet, etc. Clean the oven, mop the floor, paint something - whatever you can think of, just to keep busy for a bit.
Change is challenging, so don’t get frustrated if this feels really hard at first.
Even if you don’t have much success when you first begin, praise yourself for trying. Just showing up and making an attempt is a powerful initial step worthy of acknowledgment. If you just thought about surfing your urge, that’s a win!
This is a new skill and it’s not an easy one to master. Be mindful, too, that over time, small wins such as attempting to ride the wave will collectively make up a big win. Don’t discount any small wins as those are still moving you forward. Every win makes a difference!
When all is said and done, reflect back. What worked? What didn’t work? What might you do differently next time?
Consider Working With a Licensed Mental Health Counselor
Riding the wave can be hard. If you try to do it, and you find it to be challenging - that’s normal! And you likely will need to practice a bit before you really get it down. Same with actual surfing. It’s not probable that the first time you wade out into the ocean you’ll be a pro surfer. This isn’t any different. All new things take some patience and practice.
Whenever we are trying to do something new, it is often super helpful to have someone there to guide and support you. You probably wouldn’t hesitate to hire a surfing couch. Well, you can get help in this case, too.
A therapist can offer personalized support and guidance, and can be there to partner with you as you work to actually put new skills into practice. Additionally, there are many other factors and variables to consider in the process of recovery. Urge surfing is just one skill to implement. And there are lots of reasons why you might be binge eating - addressing the root issue will play an important role if you want to overcome this. If you’re hoping to stop binge eating, consider working with a therapist. Having a teammate to be there with you during your healing can be especially valuable and helpful.