8 Habits Which Could Be Making You More Anxious and Depressed

A lot of people who come to me for counseling experience symptoms of anxiety and/or depression. Some have been told the root cause is a biochemical imbalance. However, I have discovered that, most of the time, this simply isn’t true. Usually, we come to agree that one or more of the following is usually contributing to their distress:

Comparing Yourself to Others

Someone else will always be more and better in some way. Someone else will be smarter, more athletic, wealthier, more popular, more talented, and better looking. Comparison is a useless waste of time. It certainly won’t change your reality. All it will do is make you unhappy and upset. The truth is that no other person is more valuable or more worthy than you. And you are not more valuable or more worthy than another person. If you’re going to do any comparing, do it solely with yourself. Look at what matters to you personally. Are you doing better with it than you were before? If yes, you know you’re growing and moving in a positive direction. If not, you know you have the potential for greater self-development and that you can do some work in order to change your current situation.

Avoiding Painful Emotions and Using Compulsive Behaviors to Cope

Maybe you compulsively binge eat in response to stress and painful feelings. You may abuse your body at the gym and try to forget all your worries with an excessive amount of exercise. You might go on a spending spree or possibly you partake in what we would term ‘chronic busyness.’ You do whatever you can to escape and take your mind elsewhere. Anything to avoid uncomfortable emotions and a distressing reality.

The truth is that the relief felt by engaging in a compulsive behavior, such as binge eating, is unfortunately short-term. You may be distracted from the uncomfortable feelings in the moment. You may relish that brief bit of relief. But the emotional respite is short-lived. And you may already be aware that your maladaptive behaviors never fix anything. In fact, they probably just make things worse. For example, if we binge eat, we are prone to feeling depressed, embarrassed, and guilty afterwards.

Honestly, you are just creating more problems in the long-term when you turn away from confronting hard emotions. You’re not dealing with the real issue(s) and instead are simply introducing an additional dilemma to contend with.

Learn to stop running from tough situations and difficult emotions. Stop distracting and self-medicating yourself. It’s never worked for you, and it never will. Also, keep in mind that we know, per scientific research, that avoiding your feelings can later show up as physical pain and disease. The brain and body are interconnected, so whatever negatively impacts one will impact the other.

Believing You Won’t Be Happy Until

If you think you won’t ever be happy until you reach a particular goal in some idealized future, you’re likely to find yourself trapped in a chronic state of discontent. Be proactive about making changes but learn to appreciate where you are at presently. Have gratitude for who you are now and find things to appreciate about your current circumstances. Maybe you’re grateful that the sun is shining today. Perhaps you appreciate the warm bed you get to sleep in each night or the hot shower you take each morning. Could you be grateful for your radiant eyes or your quirky sense of humor or how kind you are to animals?

Thinking Life Should Be Easier

Life can be hard. That’s the truth, whether we like it or not. You’re likely to be persistently unhappy if you spend considerable time lamenting about how your life “should” be easier than it is. The reality is that we all encounter both ups and downs. Maybe it is especially hard right now. Maybe at some point it will get easier. Recognize that winning is wonderful, but you can also tolerate losing, too. Sometimes we score success. Sometimes we lose. Accept and become more comfortable with this reality. Doing so will, and letting go of unrealistic expectations, will likely bring you greater peace.

Believing More Money and More Stuff Will Make You Happy

Would you be happier if you were richer and if you had lots more stuff? The short and honest answer is no. This doesn’t mean money does not matter at all. Research completed by a group of economists and psychologists has shown that money is associated with well-being, but only to a point. That point will vary, particularly based on the cost of living where you reside. The point equates to about a middle-class lifestyle. And evidence has shown us that going beyond that isn’t correlated with greater happiness. In some cases, increased wealth is associated with decreased happiness. More than any material possession you might buy, positive experiences and close relationships are far more likely to bring you increased joy. Focus on those more.

Ignoring Yourself and Being a People Pleaser

We tend to fall into this trap much easier if our self-esteem and self-worth are lower. We set aside our own needs and feelings, deeming them somehow less important than the desires and moods of another person. It’s important to set health boundaries. And while it’s fine to be concerned with the needs of others, be cautious about sacrificing your own emotional and physical health in service of pleasing someone else.

Being Afraid to Get Close to Other People

We may fear we are not worthy of love. This anxiety and doubt can be rooted in shame. Also, getting close to another person can feel risky. We all experience this type of worry. We certainly cannot guarantee that a relationship with another human being will be perfect or that it will play out in a dreamlike fashion. But that’s okay! Remember, you can tolerate challenges and difficulties. Not every relationship will work out. But intimacy, through close friendships and/or through loving romantic partnerships, are still worth pursuing. The reality is that a life spent in social and emotional isolation is bad for your mental and physical well-being. We need to be seen and heard. We are social beings. Our brain requires intimacy and deep connection in order to thrive. If you spend your life constantly hiding behind a mask and you refuse to let anyone know who you genuinely are, you are prone to suffer.

Never Learning from Your Mistakes

This is a fast track for staying stuck in habits which don’t serve you. By not exploring your mistakes you miss a chance to potentially gain advantageous wisdom. And you risk getting caught in a cycle of negative choices. We all make mistakes. There’s nothing wrong with you for making one (or many). But don’t avoid looking at them as you could be passing up a valuable learning opportunity. Awareness and insight can be priceless when it comes to your growth and positive development. Take some time to explore and dissect your errors.