What Does It Mean to Stand for Your Marriage?

Are you standing for your marriage?

What is a stander?

A stander is an individual who remains faithfully committed to the covenant vow they made with their spouse and with God. They wholeheartedly believe that “what God has joined together, no human must separate (Mark 10:9).” This means that while a judge might have signed a piece of paper, that document is wholly and entirely meaningless in the eyes of God.

While many people might encourage moving on to be happy, the stander refuses to surrender to the ways of the world. They understand that chasing personal happiness does not take precedence over the promise which they made to God. A stander has decided to do what is counter cultural.

A stander cannot find peace in doing what God says He hates. They understand that divorce will not make them or anyone happier. This is a false ideology. Truthfully, divorce causes tremendous levels of hurt and pain, both emotionally and also physically. The wounds and scars never fully heal. And for anyone who hopes to just move “happily” on, there is a problem they tend to overlook - second marriages fail at an even higher rate (the failure rate is approximately 70%).

A stander knows, too, that many people express deep regret for not having tried harder to reconcile - those who have bailed on their marriages ultimately realize and admit that the grass is not greener. Nearly 80% wish they’d made more effort to remain with their spouse. These are truly sobering statistics and hopefully can serve as a warning to encourage others to think very carefully before making this life-altering decision.

Standers are standing for marriage as God created it to be

A cord of three-strands and a one-flesh connection is really not easily broken. And a stander agrees with this truthful teaching: Only if you can be Unbaptized can you be Unmarried. Further, once you have made your vows you are truly in a Spiritually binding covenant with the spouse of your youth (your first wife or husband). Man can make up all the laws he wants (this includes civil divorces) but man will never change God’s law. A bond which has been forged by God cannot be severed by any man. 

A judge with a piece of paper cannot undue what God brought together and blessed. Only God has the power to end a marriage and He has clearly advised us that the only thing which will end it is death. You are married in the eyes of God until one of you departs from this world. If that is offensive and makes you upset, then you have a problem with God and His word. The truth is still the truth – whether some people like it or not. Our eternity depends upon following the truth even if it is hard.

Jesus promised us it would be hard

Standing can be difficult and lonely. It perhaps might be the hardest thing you do in life. Being pulled from and kept apart from your one-flesh partner hurts - more than anyone who has not experienced might imagine. A stander can feel like a piece of their heart and soul is missing. They really learn why God despises the severing of the marital bond so much.

Sadly, far too many friends and family have embraced the culture and its false teachings that you should just move on if you’re feeling unhappy. A lot of people are falling for the lies which tell them “if everyone else is doing it, then it must be okay” and “everyone is having a second marriage so it must be good.”

No! Remember the path is narrow and most people are not on it. Follow your heart is what they’re encouraging you to do. But pause for a moment – what does the bible teach about listening to and following your heart and feelings? In reality, believing you will ride off into the sunset and find greener pastures is exceedingly stupid. Are you going to follow the world, or will you actually listen to and obey God?

As long as there is breath in your lungs there is always potential for reconciliation. Nothing is too hard for God and all things (yes all!) can be reconciled.

A stander recognizes that the purpose of marriage is to make us more like Christ, to make us more holy. Being holy means we are to be set apart from the world and to be different from the prevailing culture. Jesus advised it wouldn’t be easy. He told us we would need to take up our cross to follow Him.

A stander knows, too, that nothing is impossible with God – that no matter what has taken place in the marriage, a commitment to prayer and to God means all things can be made right. But we must turn to Him instead of jumping ship and breaking our promises. Can you trust God? A stander sees what looks impossible and decides to remain steadfast in faith – even as the world tells them they are a fool for their commitment.

As Christians, we sometimes can unfortunately forget that Satan is always roaming about and working tirelessly to lie to us. Satan always tries to make something which is ungodly seem as if it “must have been from God.” Satan tries to fool us by making things “feel” good and he seeks to make us believe that wrong choices are actually right. There are those feelings again! Don’t fall for it!

We must remain aware of the truth - we are battling against the forces of hell on this earth. Satan will do everything in his power to get you to stay out of God’s will. And that means getting you to abandon your marriage and spouse. It means getting you to beak the vow and promise you made to God Himself.

God hates divorce. Satan loves it! Whose side will you choose? A stander knows this and is not willing to let satan win. In marriage, a stander sees what everyone else is doing (giving up, often far too easily) and refuses to follow the masses.

God would never command us to do things that weren’t possible through Him. God wants to be part of marriage. The covenant is not just with your spouse, but with God. And He wants to make it holy and blessed. Stay standing. Call out to Him during trials and allow Him to do what to you might look impossible. What better testimony to your faith than to remain committed to the covenant vow you took and to know that God can work a miracle – if you ask Him, allow Him, and wait on His timing.