Getting a Handle on the Holidays When You Struggle With Food

It’s the most wonderful time of year . . . unless you struggle with disordered eating .

The holiday season features one soirée after another. From elegant cocktail gatherings to workplace functions to family buffets, the seemingly endless number of food-filled events makes it exceptionally challenging to feel merry if food is your nemesis.

Included below are some of the challenges you might encounter during the holiday season along with some strategies for how to navigate them.

You Get an Urge to Binge Eat or Overeat

Holiday feasts are frequently overflowing with tasty delicacies and decadent special treats. It can feel nearly impossible to refrain when there’s so much enticing goodness to choose from and when everyone around you is indulging. These situations may bring up a lot of fear within you and you might worry that you won’t be able to hold back from gorging yourself well past the point of fullness. You know bingeing results in guilt, shame, regret, and a painful ache in your belly. You don’t want any of that.

Your urges don’t have to ruin your holiday. You can manage the cravings and impulses should they arise.

First, keep in mind that it is very common and normal to savor holiday foods and to eat a bit more than you might during other times of the year. It’s okay if you’d like to enjoy a little extra. It’s a period of festivity and food is a pleasurable way of engaging in joyful activities. Also, nearly everyone tends to “overeat” now and again. It’s okay to have a second serving, and to sample multiple desserts.

Be mindful of whether you’re viewing food through an all-or-nothing lens. Beginning to allow yourself permission to eat what you’d like is more likely to result in a balanced relationship with food. Alternatively, constantly telling yourself you “can’t” ever eat certain things is a recipe for intense yearnings which get really hard to resist.

An inflexible attitude toward food might cause you to view items as either strictly ‘good’ or ‘bad.’ This mindset is apt to result in anxiety and distress. You are telling yourself you can eat some things, but other stuff is always off limits because it fails to meet certain criteria. It’s fine to have preferences, but rigid rules around eating usually become problematic. Marking a certain food as “forbidden” may result in cravings and can lower your mood.

Do your best to catch yourself having these thoughts and then try to shift toward a less extreme, less black-and-white perspective. Try to see things a bit more broadly and attempt to be a bit more nuanced. Reframing when it comes to food might look like “this piece of dark chocolate is fun to enjoy during this special time of year. It makes me happy to eat it. Also dark chocolate is filled with flavonoids, a healthy antioxidant making this a treat that helps my health, too.”

All foods can fit into your life. A food might be less nourishing, less nutrient dense, in comparison to another, but that does not mean you have to completely cut it out of your life. If a food brings you pleasure and you appreciate it as part of a fun celebration, then eat and be merry. It’s perfectly fine it you’d like to eat a food which doesn’t have a list of health benefits attached to it. Think about balance, rather that extremes and constant rigidity. This is not meant to downplay the seriousness of disordered eating. And it certainly isn’t advisable to eat till you’re ill. But eating till you’re a little uncomfortable is normal. It says nothing about your value and worth as a person if you do overindulge.

It can also be beneficial to pay attention to your hunger and fullness cues. Family and friends might repeatedly offer you more food, but you aren’t obligated to accept if you’ve had your fill. If you know you will end up with a belly ache if you keep going, or you believe you’re on the verge of feeling out of control, than take a pass. You might have to refuse multiple times if a “food pusher” keeps insisting. That’s okay, there’s no limit on how many times you can say no. Just be firm yet polite: “no, thank you, I’m full and have had enough.” Or, if you’d like, you can also say “no, thank you, but could you wrap it up so I can take some home with me?” Note: If you do take food with you, it’s still your choice whether you eat it or not. You can enjoy it if you’d like (remember, nothing has to be off limits). But don’t ever feel like you “have” to eat anything because someone made it for you. Thank them, of course. But then do what feels best for you. Depending on where you are in your recovery, it might feel risky to have a certain foods in your home if they are a trigger for you - so use your judgement if this worries you.

If you do binge, then try to have some compassion for yourself. Remember that it’s normal behavior to sometimes overeat. Food is pleasurable and it brings us joy, so having extra is something that many of us do now and again. In any case, it will be okay. You’re human. You can’t change what’s done and you won’t accomplish anything good by beating yourself up over it. Dwelling will likely just make you more upset.

An inflexible attitude toward food might cause you to view items as either strictly ‘good’ or ‘bad.’ This mindset is apt to result in anxiety and distress.

Importantly, don’t try to make up for a binge. Resist the urge to start a new hard-core diet, to over-exercise, or to skip meals. Swinging to another extreme will set you up for an inevitable crash later on and the self-inflicted punishment really won’t work. If you’re not feeling very hungry, then still do your best to keep eating as you otherwise would - perhaps have a smaller, lighter meal if you’re still feeling bloated from overdoing it. But don’t avoid eating as you’re only setting yourself for another binge in the future. Also, try to stay hydrated.

Following a binge, try to take extra good care of yourself. It could be the perfect time for a spa day, especially as you maybe are feeling a bit physically and emotionally destroyed. Help yourself recover.

You Have Much Less time for Physical Activity

With a busy calendar full of work, family, and social events (on top of all your other normal daily obligations) it can become difficult to fit in your typical level of activity. Keep in mind that this is a special time of year that will soon pass, so changes to your regular routine will be short lived. Expect your usual day-to-day routine to be disrupted a bit and try to avoid getting overly stressed about the temporary change up. Things will get back to “normal” quicker than you think.

Consider prioritizing and reveling in the opportunity to connect with your loved ones. Take in the sights and sounds. Maybe even add movement to the festivities - try gathering everyone together for a nice stroll outdoors.

Be careful to take note of whether missing out on workouts really messes with your mindset to the point where you feel significant upset. If you find it really hard to miss a workout in order to be with your friends and family, you might have an unhealthy relationship with exercise. Anorexia Athletica, or exercise obsession, while not an official diagnosis, is still a very real concern.

If you feel extremely guilty for missing a workout, or you cancel out on attending events because you just simply “can’t” miss a sweat session, it could be time to re-evaluate your relationship with movement. Exercise is great for your physical and mental health, but it can begin to interfere in your life in an unhealthy way. If you’re at the gym while all your friends are at a party, then you may have a problem. If you’re not sure if this describes you, think about talking with a trusted support or licensed mental health counselor.

You’re Bombarded by Unwelcomed Comments from Family and Friends

Nothing can ruin a fun holiday get together quicker than comments about your weight or what you’re eating. Such unsolicited remarks can trigger eating disordered thoughts and actions.

One way to cope is to have an action plan. It’s likely food and body topics might come up. Thus, consider being well prepared to change the topic. What other things can you talk about? Do they have any vacations planned? What else are they doing over the holidays? Do they have plans for the new year? Have they seen that new television show or movie? Do your best to shift away to any topic other than food and appearance.

Decide if you’d like to push back or let it go. This will depend heavily on who you’re speaking with, what kind of relationship you have with them, and how comfortable you may feel having this type of conversation with them.

It might not be the best time to react. Then go with that. You can deflect and move on. You can walk away – take a bathroom break or try to text a friend. Sometimes it is better to get some space and not waste your breathe. There may be certain people you just don’t want to get into things with.

Expect your usual day-to-day routine to be disrupted a bit and try to avoid getting overly stressed about the temporary change up. Things will get back to “normal” quicker than you think.

If you do decide to speak up, try spending some time in advance thinking about what you’ll say. This may help you feel better ahead of walking into the situation. It can also help you avoid being too reactive if you get upset. So, should any criticism come your way, be prepared with some intentional reactions. You can be serious or use humor. You can say as much or as little as you like. Things you might say include: “I’m really trying to stay away from talking about diets and body stuff” or “let’s skip talking about that” and then redirect by changing the subject.

If you want to dive a little deeper, first be mindful that the person likely isn’t aware that they’re upsetting you and isn’t necessarily attacking you with malicious intent. This means be kind first, and then make your case. It’s the art of constructive criticism - or, the sandwich method. People tend to get defensive and shut down at the mere hint of criticism. As such, it may work in your favor to employ this method. It’s essentially a criticism between two positive statements.

It’s best to not have the conversation at the dinner table. Talk in private. Let them know it’s a joy to see them for the holiday. And then advise them that it makes you uncomfortable to discuss those topics because you’re really trying to heal your relationship with food and your body. So perhaps you say “It’s so great to see you again and I am so glad we can get together, but it makes me feel really anxious and hurt when I hear comments about my weight or how I’m eating.” Conclude with more kindness - “I really appreciate you being open to hearing my thoughts, it means a lot to me that you’re willing to listen.”

Further, consider a couple of other points if you’re going to speak up.

• Use “I” statements instead of “you” remarks (try “I feel badly when . . .” versus “you make me feel badly when . . .”).

• Additionally, try to emphasize the positive thing you want in the future instead of the negative thing from the past/present (try “it would be great if we could avoid these topics when we spend time together and there’s really so much else we could talk about” versus “you have to stop saying stuff like that”).

Finally, if the get together is going to be majorly stressful for you, you don’t have to attend. There is no rule or law saying you have to go.

You’re Stressed by So Much Food and So Many People

It can get really overwhelming very fast. The holidays are a busy time in so many ways. It’s important to find ways to keep yourself from getting flustered. When you stay in a state of greater calm you may find you feel more resilient around your triggers. With that in mind, purposefully seek out joyous yet distracting activities. Watch some holiday movies, write out a stack of Christmas cards, or sing some carols. Also, make a list of self-care options you’ll turn to and figure out what you need on hand to be ready. What book will you enjoy while soaking in a warm bath? What songs will be on your playlist when you go to the park for a relaxing stroll?

If you do need to attend a function that will be more challenging, try to plan being there for a shorter length of time and try to have a support buddy with you.

You’re Over All the Food and Diet Focused New Year Resolutions

Diet ads everywhere. People resolving to lose weight. Gym memberships deeply discounted. Yup, it’s that time of year again when everyone feels the need to overcompensate for the extra holiday calories. It’s a tough time for anyone and can be ever more challenging when you have a disordered relationship with food.

When you’re faced with all the resolution chatter the time is right to continuously remind yourself of your priorities – your goals are recovering and taking better care of yourself. And if you’d like to set a new year’s goal, make it something realistic, attainable, positive, and in no way related to your appearance.