Can you take a compliment?
Nowadays we often hear about expressing gratitude and offering kind words to others - how it’s so great for our mental well-being. But hardly anyone talks about being the recipient of gratitude and thoughtful sayings. While we might find it easy to give a compliment to someone else, we don’t quite know what to do with ourselves when we get one. Our go-to is usually to deflect the compliment, as if it’s an annoying fly buzzing at us.
Why, though? Why do we find it so hard to accept a compliment when it comes our way?
Why It’s Hard to Accept a Compliment
There actually exist multiple reasons why it’s so hard, and it will vary from person to person. Even with the same individual, the reason can differ depending on the circumstances.
We may not feel worthy of the compliment due to low self-worth and reduced self-esteem. If you don’t value yourself, it’s as if your mind can’t comprehend the possibility of another reality. If someone says something nice to you it seems to contradict everything you believe about yourself. So, then, are you wrong about yourself or is the person just lying to you? Your brain can’t make sense of it all. As your brain struggles to put it together, you might then semi-accept what was said - you feel a strong urge to qualify by saying “thanks, but . . . “
Perhaps we were taught, either directly or indirectly, that accepting compliments means we’re conceited, full of egotistical pride, and being boastful. It can feel a bit narcissistic to accept a compliment. You believe it’s wrong and it makes you a “bad” person to accept anything nice said to you.
We could question the motives of compliment giver, believing their words aren’t sincere and that they just want something from us. We could default to wondering “what do they want from me?” instead of realizing that the words are genuine.
Or we may fear the associated vulnerability which accepting the compliment carries with it. What if you can’t live up to their expectations? We may fear being that they’re wrong about us, and it’s only a matter of time until they see our true colors.
Prepare yourself to just say “thank you.” Don’t deflect and don’t qualify it.
How Do You Get Better at Accepting Compliments?
Understand that your brain is going to fight you on this if it’s an area you struggle with. Keep in mind that, in all likelihood, a compliment is eventually going to come your way and your brain is inevitably going to come up with all the reasons why you shouldn’t accept it. Having that awareness, knowing that this is your brains default setting, is a huge first step.
Be aware, too, that giving compliments makes other people feel good. We like to be nice to others, it’s a boost to our happiness. Remember that graciously accepting the compliment means you are, in a way, helping increase the other persons mood.
Prepare yourself to just say “thank you.” Don’t deflect and don’t qualify it. Politely say thanks. Also, consider returning the favor. Let your brain get to work on seeing if you can give a compliment in return.