How to Destroy Your Marriage
View marriage as a mere contract rather than a covenant.
Many people nowadays see marriage as essentially just a contract, even if they say they understand it’s a covenant. At the end of the day, when it inevitably gets challenging, they decide it’s purely a contract which can easily be broken and they rush down to the courthouse to file against the person who, not so long ago, was the love of their life that they vowed to be with till the end. They forget the vows they made. The vows suddenly become meaningless. They forget that they stood before God and made a promise. Now, God is not involved anymore. They actually ignore God and listen to the people down in the local government center. What’s more, they oftentimes run off and make the same vow to a new person – yet wait. . . you didn’t mean it the first time, but now suddenly you are going to be committed?
Something which might give you pause and is important to be mindful of: People, by casually throwing away their covenant spouse, easily overlook their contribution to the larger problem at hand in our society nowadays. Many will talk about how terrible the world has become but then overlook how they themselves could be contributing to it. They don’t see that their own singular divorce not only hurts the heart of God, but they refuse to accept how their actions chip away at the church and society at large. Each divorce further normalizes people turning their back on their spouse and throwing away the sacred sacrament of marriage. Each person who files helps to reduce the stigma around divorce and further encourages others to ignore what Jesus taught about the marital bond. Each divorce shows others around you that your covenant spouse is a commodity to use and then discard.
Hold tight to unrealistic expectations
People will profess to understand that their spouse is not there to make them happy and is not going to complete them, yet deep within they do put this expectation on their partner. Many individuals enter marriage from a primarily selfish place. They are overly focused on what this person will do for them and how this will benefit their life. Many people are very focused on having a big party, the wedding, and do not understand at all what the reality of a marriage actually is. There is an unspoken expectation that things will be mostly fairytale like, and the other person will make them happy nearly all of the time. Even if they acknowledge that, “yes, I know it’s hard and we may fight,” they really don’t understand the difficulties which will be encountered. And so, when the “worse” comes, when “poorer” strikes, when “sickness” hits, (and it surely all will, probably multiple times over), they bail. They run off to the courthouse, and they forget their beloved. That person is now a barrier to their personal happiness. They hold tight to the belief that marriage should make them happy, which is far from the truth.
Live together before marrying
While some argue that it allows them to ‘test the waters’ before making a full commitment, living with each other before marrying actually increases the probability that one partner will pull a divorce card out of their back pocket at some point. Studies reveal that those who live together prior to marrying are about 50-80% more likely to divorce.
Research shows that the odds of an issue coming up in the first year are lower, but then the risk of divorce increases in all other years. Researchers suggest that the first year can be better simply because the two are already used to living with each other and so the initial ‘getting used to living together’ period after the actual wedding ceremony is eliminated.
Cohabitating prior to a marital commitment often indicates one or both are holding to more of a consumer mentality about relationships. Again, it’s that principle of the other person being there to make you feel a certain way – and you will toss them out as soon as they upset you in any way. This sort of mindset is in opposition to what marriage is truly. A willingness to cohabitate indicates a potential misunderstanding of faith that can ultimately undercut the partnership. It shows that the two do not fully value or know what commitment before God is and this can later have dire consequences.
Prioritize yourself, your independence, and what you want
By all means, think mostly about yourself and what will please you. Be more self-centered in your thinking and emphasize your personal fulfillment over all else. While nobody wants to admit they are embracing this sort of mindset, the reality is that more and more people are indeed hyper-individualistic and more concerned about whether their needs and wants are met.
Marriage requires being more spouse-centered and less self-centered. A healthy balance is needed. Marriage is supposed to be representative of the relationship Christ has with the church. In other words, sacrificial, serving, forgiving, patient up to the point of actually being willing to die to self for the other. If both hold this attitude, a beautiful, loving partnership can be forged. However, if either one begins to put themselves and their desires first, the marriage will surely be a miserable one.
Pay little attention to watch you watch, listen to, and read
Enjoy media freely and give no thought to how it impacts you and your marriage. Consume content without nary a care in the world. Don’t worry about whether the content encounters you pursuing your own personal happiness – that surely won’t harm your marriage! Keep gazing at others. Watch things which normalize adultery. Consume content that encourages bashing your spouse. Don’t worry about prioritizing screen time over truly connecting with your partner. They’ll still be there after you spend hours looking at a screen! Go online and talk to strangers. Don’t spend time connecting to your partner, pour that energy into emotionally bonding with others.
Perhaps you are getting the point. This just scratches the surface in regard to how detrimental media and the internet can be to a relationship.
Keep in mind that the media tends to normalize and encourage both infidelity and disrespecting your partner. It glorifies transient connections. Media emphasizes a greater focus on self and personal happiness above all else. Media prizes personal and material gain over family cohesion. The family and marriage are shown to be oppressive and boring. Ongoing consumption can shift the mindset of even the best of us.