How (and why) To Stop Stressing the “Little” Things
Our day-to-day lives are filled with lots and lots of “little” things. The BIG stressors, those occurrences we think are more apt to trip us up, actually tend to be infrequent – the job change, divorce, death, etc.
Yes, the big things do surely matter, of course. Big stressors can make quite a significant impact on us.
However, the small things are far more common. Because they’re so common and frequent, we might not pay too much attention to them. But it can be akin to pouring water in a glass each day. Just a little bit per day doesn’t seem like very much. Eventually, however, it’s all going to add up. And it can be particularly troublesome if you’re already with mental health concerns as a general reality of your overall life, like anxiety or depression.
Why might you want to stop stressing the "little" things so much?
The small “little” things which stress us each day, throughout our day, often seem deceptively innocuous. After all, they’re “little.” Yet, taken all together, they can cause us hours of stress every single day. It could be several minutes in the morning when you can’t find your keys and you’re late for work, another few minutes when you’re late for the afternoon meeting with your boss, and yet more time when you get home at the end of the day and find the toilet broke and your bathroom is now flooded. In other words, looked at in this way, we may be battling constant, non-stop hits of stress.
Taken all together that’s a potentially huge amount of tension and worrying to tangle with. The result can be chronic anxiety and depression. We may also find our physical health deteriorates as a result. So, it’s not so “little” when you really think about. And if we don’t regularly work on de-stressing and include calming downtime into our routine, all the little stuff could really get the best of us sooner or later.
How do I begin to recognize what my "little" stressors may be?
You want to focus on increasing your awareness. You’ll want to recognize the things which are triggering for you. Perhaps reflect back on your week. Think about all the stressors you encountered and how you reacted to them. Try to identify what bothered you.
The small “little” things which stress us each day, throughout our day, often seem deceptively innocuous. After all, they’re “little.” Yet, taken all together, they can cause us hours of stress every single day.
This isn’t an exercise to condemn yourself for overreacting. Instead, it’s meant to help you gain valuable insight so you can learn from the past. Reflect on the details. Ask yourself how you might have responded differently. Consider if you let yourself get too tired or too hungry at certain points. Was there other stuff going on in your life that had you on edge? You want to learn all you can so that you can better handle situations next time. What happened? How did you react? How could you have handled it differently?
Insight is a critical first step for making positive change. If you don’t note what needs to be different, then nothing will ever be different.
Mindfulness Could be Beneficial in Battling Stress
Mindfulness refers to your ability to be fully and completely present in the here and now. This means you’re aware of your surroundings and of what you’re doing. Neither your thoughts or any activity around you is distracting you, leading you to be overreactive, or making you feel overwhelmed. Your mind is not fretting over the future and you’re not feeling angst about the past.
Mindfulness means you’re 100% in the present moment.
While it might have been given a fancy label, don’t let that fool you into thinking this is complicated stuff. Mindfulness is, in reality, a simple thing which we all have the capacity for. Attempts you’ve made in the past to change yourself have maybe failed over and over. With mindfulness we don’t have to change ourselves nor do we have to perform any special techniques. It’s an innate human quality we can all access.
Most of us have just gotten disconnected from being present - not surprising considering how many things are competing for our attention nearly 24-7. The world around us can surely be distracting, and we can get caught up in our worries. But mindfulness asks us to put all that aside and asks us to just come into the moment.
Insight is a critical first step for making positive change. If you don’t note what needs to be different, then nothing will ever be different.
One good example of mindfulness is conscious eating. Often, we are multi-tasking while we eat. Maybe we’re scrolling social media, getting some work done on the computer, or we’re watching television. The meal is soon over, and you perhaps barely tasted it. It wasn’t very enjoyable and, because your attention was elsewhere, you likely ate more than you planned. Mindfulness in this scenario would mean slowing down and focusing on your food. You’d appreciate the taste and texture. You’d savor every bite. You’d notice the colors and shapes of the food. You’d be more in tune with your hunger and fullness cues, and you’d also notice the sights and sounds around you more. If your face is in your phone, none of that happens.
Mindfulness, then, brings you into the moment and you focus entirely on what is in front of you right then – that means you really, truly focus. Your mind might wander. That’s okay. You should expect this to happen. This is normal and happens to everyone, especially at first. You’ll want to just gently nudge your attention back to the present.
When you appreciate that you can let the past and future go for a bit, it’s easy to see how mindfulness could help disrupt stressful thoughts and sensations which may otherwise overwhelm you. It helps you hit the pause button and encourages you to become quietly aware of your internal and external reality in the here and now.
Mindfulness gives you an opportunity to gain control. It allows you to take a deep breath and use your senses to help ground and calm yourself. You become able to consciously respond to life instead of just automatically reacting to things.
Three More Tips For Battling Day-to-Day Stress
Stress Relief Tip #1 - Give Yourself a Reality Check
Take a moment and acknowledge any annoyance or anger or disappointment brought on by what’s happening. Notice if you’re having any physical reactions such as feeling tension in your neck or an ache in your belly. It’s okay and normal to feel all of these emotions and sensations.
But while you cannot choose what emotions naturally come up for you, you DO get to decide what you’re going to do about them. Will you allow them to overwhelm you, and will you permit them to trigger a meltdown? Or will you compassionately note what you’re experiencing and will you decide that sitting in those feelings isn’t helpful.
When we’re stressed, it’s not unusual for parts of your brain to begin to shut down in a protective fashion. Our brain senses a threat and there’s no time for lengthy thought – you must react, fight, flee! Unless . . . you interject and change the trajectory. You may even say out loud “STOP” to prevent yourself from ruminating in the stress.
Once you’ve disrupted the pattern, ask yourself “is there any way to solve this?” This can switch you from a state of passive reaction to a state of positive action. You can brainstorm solutions, or you can agree there is nothing you can do to change things (and choosing to stay calm and ride things out is, too, a choice and action). So, if you’re stuck in traffic, sure you can get angry, you can get all hot and bothered. And you might initially feel that way. But then you can remind yourself that being upset won’t make things any different and this is out of your control. You can then decide to just let it go and play a favorite podcast to pass the time.
Stress Relief Tip #2 - Journal It Out
Sit yourself down and write it all out. Air out all your grievances and all your annoyances. You can make the decision that, whatever you write, you’re going to trash it when you’re done – you’ll hit the delete button or tear the paper up. If you know nobody will ever read it (including yourself) it can help you be brutally honest and really process your emotions instead of keeping them bottled up.
Journaling is a great tool for assisting with helping you clarify your thoughts and feelings. It can be a way to hash out problems and, too, to come up with solutions. Journaling helps you process events more comprehensively, and it encourages you to really explore as well as release associated emotions.
It might be beneficial to end your writing on a positive note. In order to counteract any negativity which has spilled onto the page, you might find finishing up with some words about a possible solution or even just some thoughts concerning what you appreciate about yourself, or about your life, will give you a dose of hope as you put your pen to rest.
Stress Relief Tip #3 - Make a Joke of It
Learning to laugh at ourselves and our circumstances can go a long way in lowering our stress. Instead of allowing something to get under your skin, try to find some humor in what you’re dealing with. It might take a little time, and a little practice, but try to poke fun at things a bit more. Humor helps you see things in a different way and also helps you realize that the situation might not be as bad as it initially seemed. Laughing will aid in muscle relaxation and will decrease your heartrate and blood pressure. A good laugh has even been shown to act like a natural painkiller.
There is an exception here – making a joke at your own expense actually might increase your stress, so self-defeating humor isn’t recommended. Making at joke at someone else’s expense is equally ill-advised.