What are the Symptoms of Grief?
Grief is a normal, natural response to loss. We usually associate it with death, but grief can be present following any significant loss in life. And it is more than just simply feeling sad. There can be a variety of symptoms, both physical and emotional, present for an individual who is grieving. Some symptoms can feel quite overwhelming and can be a bit disorienting.
Keep in mind that as the brain is attempting to deal with the grief, it may struggle to keep the system going – a lot of energy can be absorbed as the brain and body seek to deal with the grief. Knowing this, try to have extra grace for yourself. Based on this fact alone, you are not going to be at your usual level of performance. Your brain and body only have so much to give each day, and so much of it will be going towards grief. Adjust expectations accordingly.
Many people are familiar with the stages of grief as originally developed by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her 1969 book On Death and Dying. The stages include denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Here is something you might not know - this has actually been recognized to be an outdated model. It has been recognized as simply not applicable to all situations or people. While some might find their grieving process does follow her model, it is now known to be somewhat faulty in that there really is no clear-cut one-size-fits all approach when it comes to grieving. Grief is far more of an individualized experience.
So, if you feel that particular model doesn’t seem to fit for you – it very rightly might not. Feeling like you don’t “fit” the model, or having people expect you to follow it, can have you believing something might be wrong with you. There isn’t. Grief truly looks different for everyone.
Grief is Hard and Variable
Grief can hit you in ways you never expected. You may have managed challenging losses in the past in a relatively good way – you got through it okay. But that does not mean the grief you are facing today will look the same. The loss, the situation, is not the same as it was before.
And while you might have been a high-achieving person who has dealt with a lot before, some losses can hit quite hard and your responses can really take you quite by surprise.. A person who was “strong” in past, could be decimated and knocked down hard by another loss in the present. Yes, maybe you had some grief before, but you have not had this particular loss. Your response to it can be very different. Don’t judge yourself based on the past. This is a new storyline.
What Might You Experience While Grieving?
As noted, grieving is a very personalized thing. You might experience some of the following. You might experience all of the listed symptoms. Or, too, you could find yourself dealing with something not listed here.
We unfortunately, as a society, don’t talk much about the reality of grief. This means many people do not truly appreciate or recognize all the ways in which it might manifest for someone. It can leave you feeling like something is amiss or wrong with you. But rest assured, you are more than likely not alone in experiencing whatever it is that you’re encountering.
Grief can mean you are feeling and experiencing:
Sadness
Anger
Time loss
Shorter attention span
Confusion
Restlessness
Insomnia
Physical exhaustion
Sleeping all the time
Anxiety
Feeling like you do not belong
Stomach pains
Body feels heavy
Headaches and head pain
Feeling dissociated
Trouble reading
Aches and pains
Feeling like nothing has meaning
Clumsiness
Overly sensitive
Numbness
Screaming at home or in your car
Crying so hard you throw up or gag
Normal tasks and chores are too much to manage
Can’t get out of bed
No interest in stuff you used to enjoy
Nightmares
Vivid, intense dreams
Memory loss
Mood swings
Hypersensitivity
Limited attention span
Not able to cry
Eating more than normal
Having no appetite at all
Weight gain
Weight loss
Mundane “easy” tasks become incredibly hard
Irritability
Loneliness
Hard time concentrating
Grief is a challenge. Reaching out for support can help. Here, too, though is another difficulty - some people might say or do things that make it worse. Choose carefully. Not everyone can be trusted with your wounds and pain.