Connection Rituals for Couples

Rituals of connection play an important role in maintaining a healthy relationship. Our connection to one another can grow deeper and more intimate if we are intentional about making an effort to keep turning towards one another. It is quite easy to allow the distractions of daily life to capture our attention. When we first begin dating, the object of your affection is the center of your world and you give that person so much of your time and energy. Gradually, over time, that changes. Maintaining that level of focus is really not realistic and isn’t what we want to aim for. After all, there are chores to be done, errands to be checked off the list, and, too, there’s so much work. But, while we cannot get on with the necessities of life if we stay in that “I am so obsessed with you” phase, we can take away some lessons - and we can find a more manageable, easier to maintain middle ground.

We can begin to create and lean into rituals. Relationship rituals can equate to dedicating a specific time, tradition, or holiday to your partner. It may be as simple as agreeing to meeting for lunch during the day on Tuesdays. 

Rituals are essential to deepening and building bonds with one another. If you haven’t been doing any of this, that is okay and fairly normal. It’s never too late! Now you know and you can begin to make some positive changes. If you were doing these things and then stopped, this, too, is perfectly okay and also likewise very normal. We get busy. We get distracted! We get off track. Life is messy and it happens. Once you notice, you simply readjust and get back into it.

Here are some ideas to try:

 During meals step away from the screens and from stress

It may not be possible to do this for every meal, you might not want to do it for every meal (after all, it’s sometimes fun to eat take-out while sitting on the couch enjoying a movie together). But whenever possible, turn off the TV and put away your cell phone. All that external chatter can wait. Focus on the precious human in front of you. Relationships are the most valuable gift and blessing. Don’t ignore the treasure sitting right there with you and focus on one another. Have a conversation.

Further, try not to bring your stress from work, unresolved issues or previous disagreements to the dinner table. Yes, these things need to be address and discussion. Later. Allow meals to be calm and enjoyable. Decide on a separate time to discuss the heavier topics.

Take time for a stress-reducing conversation

Be mindful about including a “how was your day, dear?” talk. Check in and find out about what your partner experienced during their day. The purpose of this conversation is to discuss external stressors. It is a time to vent frustrations, share, and support one another. It is not a time to bring up issues about your relationship. Aim to be genuinely curious and ask questions. Try to be a good active listener by giving your partner your full attention. Take turns. Lean into compassion.

Move more together

Go for a walk together. Visit the gym. Exercise is good for you mentally and physically. And it is a great way to bond and stay connected. Motivate and encourage one another.

Drop them a note

Let your partner know you care and that they are on your mind. Put a note in their lunch. Leave one on their nightstand. Small gestures can be more meaningful than showy, expensive gifts. 

Indulge in hugs and kisses

Physical contact releases oxytocin (the bonding hormone). In addition, holding hands, hugging, touching, giving one another a massage, and kissing can lower the stress hormone cortisol. Make it a regular practice to physically connect. Sex can be included in this. But be sure to include lots of non-sexual touch, too. A relationship does best if there are plenty of moments of physical connection outside the bedroom.

Have some departing and reuniting rituals

When you or your partner leave for the day, do you exchange a warm hug? Do you give one another a kiss? What about when you come back together at night? Don’t leave the house without hugging and telling them you love them. Keep the same pattern when they return home.

Keep dating

You likely dated regularly when you first met. Eventually, though, this habits gets lost in the business of life. Keep in mind that you don’t have to go out to date as it is more about quality time together. Staying home is perfectly fine. Have deep conversations and really focus on the other person. Share jokes, play a game, put together a puzzle, watch funny movies, or anything else that brings you both pleasure. 

Share posts and articles

Share something that will make them laugh. Or share an article you think will interest them. Be mindful to not be passive-aggressive here. Don’t share things because you are trying to drop hints about what you want them to do or change.

Keep the same sleep and wake time

If you are an early bird and your spouse is a night owl, this can result in some instability in the relationship. The result can be more conflict, less time for shared activities, less sex, and less opportunity for conversation. Get up early and go for a walk or visit the gym together. Cuddle for a few minutes before starting the day. Read to each other before sleeping. Or talk for a bit. Do your best to stay on a similar schedule and then leverage that time to build more connection.