Tips for Managing During the Holidays When You Struggle With Food

Watch any holiday movie and you’d think everyone is blissfully eager to sit down at the dinner table to a glorious feast of delicacies.

But for someone with an eating disorder, it can be a time of great angst and distress. Everyone is expecting you to be merry and thankful. And while you may certainly experience joy during the season, you may also be feeling a lot of other emotions - everything from worry to grief to anger.

Is it any surprise when there are relatives pressuring you to eat, there may be lots of trigger foods being served, friends asking why you aren’t eating more (or commenting on you eating a lot), and that annoying person who won’t stop commenting on your weight? It’s suddenly not the most wonderful time of the year.

What can you do to do cope and get through it?

First, know that you are not alone. There are many others experiencing the same feelings – close to 30 million Americans will battle disordered eating at some point in their life.

Plan For The Food You Know You’ll Be Faced With

You know the day is coming, and it’s therefore possible to begin prepping for what’s ahead. Doing this can help you feel a little more in control. This might entail thinking about the location – where might you go to get away from everyone for a bit and to catch your breath? It could also mean thinking about the conversations you’ll potentially face. When an uncomfortably topic comes up, think about what you’ll say and how you’ll react. Prep yourself to set boundaries. Be polite, yet firm. Think of alternate things to discuss – perhaps your party trick for the day is changing the subject and redirecting the focus to something other than food, weight, dieting, etc. What will you eat? Think about what your meal will include and be thoughtful about what you’d like to enjoy. You can do this ahead if you know the menu, or you can do it just before you fill your plate (check out all your options and take a moment to make your choices).  

Don’t Skip Meals

Some people will skip meals leading up to the holiday dinner. Don’t be one of them. Starving yourself beforehand will put physical stress on your body, which lends to emotional stress. This puts you into a more vulnerable state. It becomes much harder to deal. All that stress you’ve put on your body physically lowers your ability to psychologically cope when it’s meal time. Your best bet is to eat balanced, regular meals before you go. Be consistent and nourish yourself.

Make Self Care a Priority

Make sure you get plenty of rest and sleep. Don’t commit to things which you know might leave you over tired and over stressed. Remember it’s okay to say no to stuff which could cause you overwhelm. It’s important to proactively build in time to refresh and care for yourself. Plan out the when and what ahead of time to keep yourself rejuvenated. What activities are fun and relaxing for you? Spend time doing stuff that makes you feel your best and puts you in a good mood. It can be as simple or as elaborate as you prefer. Take a hot bath, watch a funny movie, or head to the spa.

Focus on the Meaning

Every holiday has a special meaning. Food becomes an external way by which we celebrate. Try to shift and put more focus on why you’re celebrating the day. Give your attention to the non-food traditions. Spend time and energy indulging in the holiday stuff that has nothing to do with eating.

Avoid Catastrophic Thinking

If you do experience a slip remind yourself that it is not a major catastrophe. Have self-compassion for yourself. All journeys of growth and healing have ups and downs. Just reset and get back to it. Allow yourself to move on and continue moving forward. Remember how far you’ve come already - even just wanting to begin to heal is a powerful, brave step.

Seek Support

This can look different depending on your situation. Maybe you find a supportive friend or family member. They might be at the meal with you, or you could recruit someone you can reach via phone while you attend.

You may also reach out to a professional counselor/therapist for comprehensive care and support via individual therapy treatment or you may, too, gain assistance via a mental health eating disorder support group.

Beware of isolating yourself. You do not have to do this alone.

Avoid Black and White Thinking and Perfectionism

No food is good or bad. Your day doesn’t have to be an all or nothing affair. Be willing to allow yourself some flexibility. And remember you don’t have to live in extremes. The day does not need to be perfect. And it’s okay if you just hang in there – you don’t need to stress about making any huge forward movement for this day. Just getting through the moment may be enough - and will actually be a win.

Remember: The Food will Always Be There

A holiday usually means special foods. Remember that those foods will always be available to you. If you feel an urge to binge on something, remind yourself that you can have it anytime you’d like. It’s going to be there for you and you can choose to have it whenever you’d like. You can buy it at the store. Order it at a restaurant. Or you can ask the person who prepared it to make it again.